These are some notes I took I presume after her conservator hearing. She was very angry and says in the note she is going to fight this to the end. There is a new twist in the note I did know about or just did not remember and that is her fear of Arabs. I didn't remember that. Again, I think it is an interesting look into mental illness. Don't forget, you can make it larger to read by clicking right on the picture.
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I don't remember a whole lot about the early days of Mother's illness.
This was because Rollie took the reins on Mother's medical help. God bless him. I remember a lot of tears were shed by him and me for the treatment that Rollie chose, with my expressed approval, at the Alambra NeuroPsychiatric Clinic, i.e., shock treatments.
After her release from this clinic, Mother came to live with me in Chico. She was very weak and it was important to treat her gently in everything. Nevertheless, she attended Chico State in a Master's program in piano. Often times she was unable to attend class.
One day on campus, it was cold, and I saw Mother walking alone and she seemed depressed. I went to her, put my arm around her and asked what was wrong. She said that she had just gotten all of her grades and she received D's in each class. I thought that was possible because of her absences, so I tried to comfort her. As we walked and talked, I asked to see the grades, and she pulled out this paper with the grades. Heaven help me, it showed A's and not D's. She had forgotten her glasses and thought she saw D's. But she received straight A's.
Also, during this time, I remember lying on the couch and she would play for me the pieces she was working on. She was hot on the piano. She was the very best, I ever remembered about her playing. She was very very good.
One of the issues for her was her inability to memorize pieces. This depressed her, because she believed that she could never play professionally, or unprofessionally before and audience, using sheet music. This was a problem for her at Chico State, but when she was chosen to play at a recital performed by advanced students, the powers that be, made an exception for her and allowed her to use sheet music.
I should mention that after I married Carol, Mother was "out and about" in her illness once again.
Carol and I had just had John and lived on East Avenue.
She came to stay with us but she was very crazy. She held conversations with the TV personages especially newscasts.
She could not sleep inside, because the Russians were irradiatng her from outer space making her ill. And you know, she was ill when she woke up. Dad was parking his trailer house outside, and we decided maybe she would be safe from irradiation in the trailer house. She slept there that night, but, again, in the morning she was sick. She really was sick. We then decided that she could sleep on the fron lawn in a sleeping bag. She did so, and she woke up well. Go figure.
At the time, I went to Fresno County mental health services. I spoke with a social worker, I guess, and we discussed what we could do to help Mother with her mental illness. She said that she had to act in such a way that she was a danger to herself or others, and did I know of anything she had done that showed a danger to herself. I could not think of anything except I remembered when she was a "bag lady" with all her possessions in a plastic bag, and travelling all over in a greyhound, that she irritated someone so much that that person shoved her to the ground.
This was enough for the social worker, God bless her. She arranged for her to come to Reedley to interview her. I worried that Mother would be able to hide her sickness from the social worker. But the social worker knew exactly the right questions that would take Mother into outer space once more. The social worker was great, and she had arranged for an ambulance and Sheriff deputy to appear upon her beckoning, and they took her away to some mental hospital.
Once again, a petition for conservatorship was filed and, Mother, who was awfully smart even in her sickness, was going to oppose it. Her appointed attorney said that she might win. I was devastated. We tried to convince Mother to agree to the conservatorship, but she refused until it was suggested that I be the conservator. She agreed.
I will never never be a conservator again for any reason. It is awful. As a conservator, one has complete control of the life of the conservatee, and Mother, often times, would look at me as if I had deserted out mother/son relationship, that I was working against her and that she just could not believe I was making the decision at hand.
I placed her in a mental hospital that was available to us. It was awful, but necessary. However, we were having Thanksgiving with the Finks. I arranged for Mother to celebrate with the Finks and us.
When I went to pick Mother up, they had forgotten to get her ready. Her clothes looked a mess and she acted overly medicated and unreactive. The hospital apologized and scrambled to get her dressed to go, though nothing could be done about the over medicating. We kept her for the whole Thanksgiving weekend and she slept through it all.
The same exact thing happened at Christmas a month later. Again, the hospital apologized, and, again, she slept most of the time.
I decided that being out of the hospital with us was safer and healthier for Mother than be in that hospital. I called the hospital and told them Mother would not be returning.
I am not sure of the timing, but I know that after that, Mother and I would visit a county psychiatrist. This lady was wonderful. All she wanted to know was how it was going and would continue medications. The psychiatrist did nothing else and the visits were very short. It went well and I believe that the psychiatrist knew exactly what she was doing. I feel a great sense of gratitude to her.
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